I am not a big fan of Cardio myself, particularly running, because for one thing I am neither a marathon runner nor have I attempted to join in one – well, not yet (not until this one).
However, aside from the fact that it really is a form of an ironic de-stresser, (an activity which seems apparently exhausting BUT rids off stress-caused fatigue, go figure), it creates a sense of freedom in a runner, well, at least that is to my opinion.
More than a year ago, I was literally heavy for my height weighing around 145 lbs. As of today, I lost not so much but 22 lbs through dedicated work-out (am now 123 lbs. FYI, am big-boned). Sadly, to my surprise, I lost the motivation that I once had. So, yep, today I decided to run again after a long while – without a concrete motivation.
With my mp3-headgear on, I jogged around the oval running track at the Batangas Coliseum (which was a bit disappointing ‘coz I was already exhausted after only 5 laps).
For some reasons, although I wasn’t exactly alone, (with the fact that there were actually a lot of unfamiliar faces who came to jog, play soccer, etc.) I felt as if I was. Suddenly, self-argumentative thoughts came into mind and started to validate the impression that I was doing a rather pointless thing,
My thoughts were, “So you’re running to get yourself a good rest? That’s clever. You’re still serious about this?”
The thought of “me running” felt as if it was a life’s metaphor – mine for that matter. I was practically going around in circles. I literally had no direction. Dusk was already setting in.
It felt as if I was running away to steer myself away from past hurts and disappointments. Fear became my motivation to run… away, that is.
I gradually stopped; I was panting.
They say that the right breathing is the secret to regain one’s strength. I prayed while I was still gasping for dear air.
Just when I was about to give up, this thing happened.
I knew it wasn’t coincident that I had my mp3-player on random play (with more than 50 songs) and what’s on was “Desert Song” by Hillsong. It says,
“This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow”
It was better than the perfect kind of breathing; those lines became a source of strength and I was sensibly on my feet again – running not away from anything anymore but towards a different kind of freedom; towards Jesus.
At that moment, I knew God spoke in such a way that could’ve been unfathomable to me without the guidance of His wisdom.
He tells us that we all have our own “deserts” – these are the challenges and struggles that we face in life – and sometimes He wills all these on behalf of His “plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future” just as gold becomes purified to its best through fire. In the end as He has promised, all things will eventually work together for good for those who dwell in His love according to His purpose.
Today, I didn’t run alone; Jesus ran with me. His Love, which casts away all fears, became my greatest motivation to run all over again.
So, there, with my new-found reason, thought I could run a few more so I did, from the Coliseum towards the city. 🙂